Quentin & The Funky Arm
by NicoCVV
Summary: A heartwarming tale that explains the hardships of an ape in today's medical society. Winner of 63 Golden Globes and featured on IGN's 'Fan Fiction of the Week' section.


On a clear yet cloudy warm night, Cranky Kong was on his way home from the strip club, when all of the sudden, his left armpit started to hurt like a bitch. "MOTHERFUCKER!" yelled Cranky. It hurt so bad that he accidentally did the Wu-Tang trying to ease the pain. Cranky's first thought was to visit the doctor, so he went home, went to bed, had a dream about a stop sign with an afro, then woke up. Before he left his house, he noticed that there was a moose sitting in his room watching Let's Plays on YouTube. Cranky was going to wonder why, but he was in so much pain that the only thing on his mind was getting to the doctor's office. So he left his house, got in his Fisher Price Jeep, and sailed off to the doctor's office.

Cranky finally parked his car and arrived at the Doctor's office. While he was walking in, he saw JonTron riding one of those kiddy rides that are normally outside the super market, but this one was outside the Doctor's office. JonTron was screaming "WHOOOOOOOOA I WANT TO GET OFF THE RIDE!" He screamed so loud, that even the yellow text appeared to block Cranky's vision. JonTron was so scared he was about to cry, but Cranky ignored it and went inside.

When Cranky was sitting in the waiting room, he noticed Papa Smurf sitting across from him, reading a naughty magazine. Cranky tried not to pay attention, but then Papa Smurf quickly put down the magazine and said to Cranky, "Hey, where do you purchase the scalp?" Cranky said "Over in sector six?" and then Papa Smurf's chair flew out of the room with him still sitting on it and reading the magazine. After that, the receptionist called for Cranky. "Mr. Kong, Dr. Fettuccine will see you now!" So Cranky got up and wandered into Dr. Fettuccine's office in the back.

"OKAY, WE'RE GONNA FIND OUT WHAT'S CAUSIN' YA ALL THE PAIN!" yelled Dr. Fettuccine. Cranky was wondering why Dr. Fettuccine was being so loud, then realized that he had the caps lock key stuck to his shoe. He didn't want to say anything because it might be rude. "OKAY, OPEN YOUR MOUTH AND SAY AAAAAAAAAAHH!" As soon as Cranky opened his mouth, Dr. Fettuccine shoved an octopus with a jeff cap in his mouth. Cranky Kong was just sitting there with the octopus in his mouth as Dr. Fettuccine was writing down some notes. "AAAH, THIS IS NOT LOOKIN' TOO GOOD!" said Dr. Fettuccine. When Dr. Fettuccine put his notepad down, Cranky looked at it and saw that all he did was draw a picture of Tommy Pickles hitting a bong. Dr. Fettuccine took the octopus out of Cranky's mouth and began moving onto the next test.

"ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP! THIS HERE IS MY FRIEND AIR BUD! HE'S A FUCKING DOG! A FUCKING DOG! BUT HE'S MY ASSISTANT AND HE'LL HELP DIAGNOSE YOU!" Dr. Fettuccine yelled. So Air Bud walked in and began boiling a pot of water on the stove. While it was boiling, Dr. Fettuccine took a Fruit by the Foot out of his pocket. He quickly unwrapped it and began scarfing it down. He enjoyed it so much that he may have gotten high off of it. After he ate that, he found his orange glove and put it on.

"THIS IS MY ORANGE-ASS GLOVE! IT'S ORANGE AS FUCK! HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYTHING SO FUCKING ORANGE?!" yelled Dr. Fettuccine. Before Cranky could answer, Dr. Fettuccine put the glove over his face. Air Bud then put a watermelon in the boiling water. It ended up turning into a rocket watermelon and started flying around the room, eventually crashing in to Cranky Kong, but he had the glove over his face so he didn't know what hit him. The watermelon exploded and turned the orange glove into a more pinkish color.

"THE ORANGE GLOVE ISN'T AS ORANGE ANYMORE! THIS IS NOT GOOD! I'VE CONCLUDE THAT YOU'VE BEEN INFECTED WITH HEPATOINGUS!" Dr. Fettuccine yelled. "NOOOO, NOT HEPATOINGUS!" shouted Cranky Kong. Cranky was sad. He slowly walked out of the doctor's office. Outside, he saw that JonTron got off the kiddy ride, and now former Pope Benedict was sitting in there. He seemed to be enjoying himself, but Cranky was so filled up with sadness that he had to go home and mope.

While Cranky was sitting at home sad, he heard a knock on his door. He went to go answer it. It was Air Bud. "I… I saw you at the doctor's office… and… and… will you go out with me?" Cranky's heart exploded with joy. Him and Air Bud went on a date to Wendy's, eventually got married, and gave birth to a rocking chair named Jamison. The end.


End file.
